When we feel anger, we tend to want to attack. When we feel fear, we tend to want to run. When we feel shame, we tend to want to hide. Although there are circumstances in which these behaviors are rational, generally speaking we do not need to react to our feelings with such actions. If you have a reaction to a feeling that you want to change, try the power of reverse action. Instead of attacking when angry, try sitting down and breathing calmly. Instead of running when scared, try standing your ground. Overtime, the negative feelings will decrease and go away.

The brain is a complex organ! Over a lifetime, you create patterns in your brain that become ingrained. In order to change them, you have to be aware of your patterns. One way to be aware of your patterns is to use stickers as visual reminders that you need to pay attention to your patterns. Once you are aware, you have a greater chance to change those patterns.

What’s going to happen tomorrow? What’s going to happen at work next week? Will my child get into a good college? Who will take care of me when I’m old? Although we must plan for our future, it’s important not to future trip! Future tripping really is the consistent worrying about tomorrow. And not only do we future trip but we lament over the past. Take it from the character Edna in the movie The Incredibles. She says, “I never look back, darling! It distracts from the now".

We move at the speed of light! Our thoughts, feelings and behaviors are so automatic that It’s difficult to get a handle on them. The stop technique is a great tool which can put a halt to negatives. So next time you’re in the middle of thinking negatively, tell yourself “Stop!” out loud and get control of your thinking. Do this again and again and eventually you'll truly stop!

t's okay to tell others your feeling but here's the key - own your feelings. The "I feel" statement is more than counselor speak! It keeps YOU in control. If we allow others to determine our feelings then we hand over the reigns to our emotional lives. I don't know about you but I don't want anybody to have that much control over me! So I say "I feel hurt when you use a loud voice." I determine the hurt and thus can change it. And the person I'm talking to can change the loud voice.

We worry or are bothered by so many situations in our lives that we have no control over. We get our nose bent out of joint or obsess over non-survival issues. In order to gain perspective, we must weigh the intensity of our feelings over the power we have in a given situation. This evaluation can help us prioritize and eliminate our concerns.

Take a deep breath! Yes - it's true. Breathing gives oxygen to the brain which in turn tells the body that everything is okay. Deep, slow breathing mimics the body's resting state. As you control your breathing when you're uptight you, in fact, override the body's physical reaction to stress therefore tricking it into a state of calm.

Just because you feel a certain way doesn't mean you have the right to behave a certain way. This concept is difficult for children to learn because they don't yet understand the concept of mind over matter. Adults do, however, determine much of their behavior and yet I hear all the time that someone else made my client behave badly. Anger does not automatically equal yelling, putting down, or hurting another. Our feelings do not justify behaviors. One human being does not have the right to behave badly to another, especially a child. By understanding this concept you might choose a less invasive behavior next time you feel angry.

Managing your emotions isn't easy especially if you've learned some negative patterns early on. Sometimes we need individual help. Reaching out to a parenting professional is an excellent way to receive help based on your unique set of circumstances. Counselors who work with children often times are also parenting experts. Find one in your community today.

 

 

One of the reasons I started writing and doing audio-classes is because the best way to change is to be constantly reminded of your goal. If you have a parenting book by your bedside, an audio-class in your car and on your MP3 player, and a top 10 lists stuck to your refrigerator then change is close at hand. Keep the material close and consistently read and listen to good parenting tips and emotions management ideas and you'll be surprised by the changes in your life!